Wednesday, March 27, 2013

S3PP: House Sigil Stories

Season 3 Premiere Party
House Sigil Stories

So we have these great sigils that we made for all of our guests and their houses but - there was a piece of the puzzle that seemed to be missing.  A huge piece, like the one that tells everyone how we ended up with these in our possession.  Sure, I could just hand them over and say "Lookie what I made!" but we can take it a step further... and I did. (maybe too far…)

If you're taking this route for your guests, you can make your stories as simple or complex as you like.  Some of these are short and some of them are very elaborate. 

The following stories will be shared with each family before dinner and in this order.  If you're no good at coming up with these kinds of things for entertainment purposes, feel free to nab these one and change the names to protect the innocent.  

A lot of people don't know this but we actually went to Westeros a little while back.  You'd be amazed at what has changed but much of it is still the same.  They have their ways still, their traditions but like most tourist traps, (and Westeros is a giant tourist trap, like Disney Land only for grown-ups...) we found some neat little trinkets to bring home with us.  We also came across some pretty unique things that I think will have some relevance in each of your lives....

 It is said that this sigil was found on the bones of a dead warhorse whose drunken rider had been kidnapped and tortured at the Twins.  They say his rider was very clever in the ways of war and had been a strategic master in order to aid his army in their battles.  They also say that the rider was born with one too many thumbs as all of those in his household are said to have had.  The horse was  also clever, however,  and had tracked down his beloved rider only to find a resourceful kitchen wench from House Frey.  With a butchers knife and some doped carrots, she turned him into a sumptuous stew made from whiskey, bacon, onions and mushrooms, served alongside a warm flagon of mead.    

This sigil was found in the red fork between Riverrun and the Darry.  It is said that the boy who found this sigil had no home and no family and yearned for revenge against the townsfolk of Riverrun for incessant bullying.   He devised a plan to fake status and get his revenge but was thwarted when a teenage black fish recognized him as the smiths lazy good-for-nothing apprentice who had stolen all of the smiths holdings and disappeared in the night on his horse.  Upon returning the squealing lad to the smith and shouting something about being a squire for Ser Cliff of House Brown and how he’d be sorry, the smith promptly beat the boy, cut off all 10 of his toes to keep him from running away and then removed his lying tongue to feed the molten fire.  It’s said that every sword made by the smith thereafter had a ring that carried further than most – earning the smithy the name “Smith of the Singing Swords.”

This sigil was found in the Painted Mountains of Essos by a dwarf logger named Butkis.   The story goes that Butkis was logging in the forest as loggers do when he was interrupted by a large THUD.  Hearing large thuds often as a logger does isn’t a strange occurrence, but this one felt different to him.  He stopped cutting his logs and wondered about to see what was the matter when he happened upon a giant man who was holding his brow with a furrowed look on his face.  The dwarf approached the giant – 20 times his size and shouted up at him – “Hoy, what’s yer trouble, eh?”  The giant sobbed about how his giant wife had kicked him out because he was watching too much Judge Judy and how his kids were terrible teenagers who he was certain were selling drugs, and how he thought for sure his wife was cheating on him with the man that does their taxes.  Butkis didn’t understand a word of what he was saying but offered a good word anyway and asked the giant if he needed a task to get his mind off things.   The giant gladly accepted and the two bonded over tree cutting.  Though Butkis was awkward with the ladies, he still offered his advice to the giant to patch things up with the misses and straighten up his unruly children.  When Butkis returned to Mantarys to sell the enormous pile of wood that was chopped down and share his story, he didn’t think that the men he’s stolen the wood from would be in the crowd hearing his tale.  After he told his story, they offered to buy him a drink for his bravery with facing such a monstrous man and then killed him in a dark alley.

This sigil has an ominous tale – They say the man who owned it turned to a wight and murdered everyone in his village.  It started long ago, far north of the wall in the Lands of Always Winter.  In a small village that is not named there lived a mad scientist named Cave Johnson Jewel who had a liking for strange shiny things.  The townsfolk didn’t understand it and kept their distance – they assumed he was a powerful wizard and didn’t want to cross him.   His neighbor, however, felt pity on the man for being an outcast and thought that there was no real reason to fear him so he ordered his wife to cook up a feast and his 13 children to prepare their humble home for a guest.  When the mad scientist came to visit, he was hesitant to interact – he was awkward and figity but never the less, held their company and expressed appreciation for the warm mead and comforting food.  The wife worked all day to prepare a wonderful supper for the man to make sure he felt welcome in their company and to end the evening, she served what had been her families favorite desert since they came to be – Lemon Cake and potatoes.  They had no idea this would set the mad scientist off in such a way – he grabbed his knife and started slashing at the family – first going for the children screaming “THE CAKE IS A LIE, I WILL NOT HELP YOU, GLADOS!”  He flipped the table over and ranted on “I DON’T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!  YOU WILL RUE THE DAY THAT YOU GAVE CAVE JOHNSON JEWELL LEMONS!  I’M THE MAN WHOSE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!”  Eventually, they could not understand his words as they became angry grunting and hollering.  The man of the house, desperate to protect his family came after the mad scientist with a hunting ax, but not before he had killed their eldest daughter.  In a fit of rage, the man buried the ax into the mad scientists skull and watched his lifeless body flop to the floor of their cabin.   The mans sons dragged the wizards lifeless body into the cold just past the stables and urinated on his corpse in anger.  They threw the remaining cake and potatoes on his body in hopes that it would entice the local wildlife into devouring the him.  The next morning, the youngest boy went out to see if the man was still there and discovered that he was not.  He reported this to his father who said that the wolves must have carried him away.  They went on their business until the next night when the man returned with his experiments – all as wights - and killed everyone in the village.   With lemon cake.  And potatoes. 

This sigil was found in a brothel in Lyse by the son of a Lysine courtesan.   He used it for many years to pad the inside of his left shoe as he had been born with one foot shorter than the other.   It was found later in a bowl of brown along with the shoe.  The wench who found it kept it safe in her bosom until she died by choking on a pigeon bone.  It had been passed down through many generations, many not knowing what it meant until we came across it and it’s history in Myr. 

Lastly - We found this sigil on the path from Winterfell to Hornswood.  It was half buried in the rocks so we dug it up.  When we reached the Hornswood we found their Septa and asked her about this strange sigil.  Sorrow filled her eyes and she asked us to come with her for a sad tale – House Burnorrest was the noblest of the families of the North.  It is said that the Stark family honored this house with land and titles for their loyalty before Torrhen Stark bent to the mad king.  House Burnorrest still showed loyalty to the Starks though, honoring their pledge but the Mad king knew that the only way he could rule is by forcing all Stark followers to swear fealty to the King of the Seven Kingdoms.   The mad king sent an envoy to the Burnorrest house demanding that the family surrender a hostage in exchange for the protection of the king.  Lord and Lady Burnorrest had only one child so the thought of losing their only son was enough to destroy a spirit.  Lord Burnorrest sent a raven to Winterfell to ask their dear friends for advice.  Torren Stark had dealt enough with the mad king and knew that his envoys had a craving for delectable foods – and knew that the great Lady Burnorrest, though not typical of a lady of her stature, loved to mingle in the kitchen with the kitchen maids and cook amazing dishes.  Lord Burnorrest offered the envoy a warm house and plenty of mead in the days needed to prepare their son for the journey – to which the envoy accepted.  Lady Burnorrest quickly went to work preparing the finest dishes to stuff the man til he could no longer walk.  He ate and ate and ate and when he thought he could eat no more, he was offered more amazing dishes from all over the western kingdoms and beyond.  After the third day of their feast, the envoy began to feel guilt for demanding their son to the service of the Targaryans.   It was the envoys idea, with a full stomach, to send the family away to keep them together.  He told Lord Burnorrest not to tell him where they would be going, but told them to leave, else their son would be taken from them.   Lady Burnorrest wasn’t sure what to say other than she wasn’t sure he could be trusted – would they be tried for treason?  Would they be hunted and killed?  The envoy looked at her and took her hands in his and told her that never in his life had he been filled with so much love around a table and that it would be his privilege to help them do what is needed to keep that love alive.   We kinda teared up a bit, that’s sad, yo.  Apparently, the Burnorrest family left Westeros with the help of the Starks and opened up a restaurant in Volantis.   Apparently, they’re known for their famous honeyed dormice and Pentoshi stuffed dates.  They say the envoy left the service of the crown soon after and died a very fat and happy man in Essos.  The septa took our hands and asked us to carry on the good words of this house and their traditions – so here we are!  LETS EAT!

Then we’ll all eat all the wonderful food.   THE END.  :D

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